Sometimes I wish I were a gigantic dude. I would just get on the train and tell fools left and right to get their feet off the seat or stop clipping their nails or turn down their music, or step all the way into the car so that other people can get on and it's not a mass of stinky idiots huddled around the door. I would be kind of nice about it, but firm, and no one would dare try to beat me up.